I get this call from one of the case managers today saying that the Program Director wants to see me. I was a little concerned. Had I done something wrong? Was there a problem with Hannah's testing? Not sure, but not overly concerned.
I got a little more nervous as I waited to see her. I finally got called back. Took a seat. And she says "I wanted to talk to you because you seem to cry a lot." You guessed. Water works!!! Ugh!
I have had this problem as long as I can remember. And I remember everything. Unless I am trying to forget. Then I just say that I can't remember so I can try to forget.
We have ended another long week. It is nice and yet, scarey to think that Thursday is Hannah's last day. The program has been a perfect fit for her. She has benefitted tremendously. At the beginning they just asked her to have a good attitude and do everything that they asked her to do. I could not be prouder of how she has handled herself. She was completely comitted from day one.
I don't know if it has helped her pain. Because I can't ask her. Which is part of the program - - that I am secretly happy about. (Guess I'm not very good at keeping secrets.)
I can certainly tell that she is dealing with it a lot better. And I have my kid back. That's really all I ever wanted. (Which is an incredibly selfish statement. Obviously life without chronic pain would be ideal.)
The group shifts on almost a daily basis. Kids are coming and going on the rolling admission. When Hannah got here she was the oldest for a while. Most of the others were 13 and 14. And for a long time there was only one boy. Now there are a couple older than Hannah and a couple more the same age. And there are more boys. Hannah has now been here the longest so she is the next to leave. She has met kids from Alabama, North Dakota, Illinois, Massachusetts, Georgia, Maryland, California, Iowa, Minnesota and from right here in Rochester. Sadly, chronic pain in teens knows no boundaries.
Hannah is accumulating quite the collection of friends here. She received three more this week. I'm just glad they don't need a seat belt.
So it is Friday night and we find the PRC kids in the same place as every other night! Watching a movie! It is kind of like they are a bunch of old working adults. They work all week at an 8:00a - 5:00p job that is mentally and physically exhausting and Friday night they just want to sit around and watch movies. Like they did Thursday. And Wednesday. . .
Not that I know any old working adults. Certainly not in my house.
Wow -- what another week.
ReplyDeleteThis post was one of my hardest for me because even though I have always known that I'm not there and not able to really know what's happening in what both of you are experiencing, it was really evident tonight. All of the adults and students that have become a part of this 3 1/2 week study - and all the experiences involved with that I will never be able to experience.
Through our busyness here at home, I did not hear about your topic of crying with the Program Director. I think that you don't share a lot because we occupy your time on the phone with what's happening with us and our own crises, and sometimes it's because you're tired and really don't want to go through it again, and other times it's because I am a "man" and not a good listener -- just wanting to fix everything. In any case, I have missed a lot during the past 3 weeks and I'm sad about it...
I know that I'm supposed to be here w/Sarah and keep on keeping on, it just is difficult to know that this time in Hannah's life (these important weeks at the Pain Clinic) I will not have experienced with her. (Am I having a pitty party?....maybe, but some of it is just reality...life is hard - God never said that it was going to be easy!)
Thanks for taking pictures and for writing each day. It has been very helpful for SJ and I (as well as so many others who love and daily pray for you).
I miss you and can't wait till the whole family can be together again and try to mesh with one another and not have "two" families...I guess this is the thing that has troubled me....our family has truly been split....
Only a few days more till we see you. I think you and I are the only two of the family that are excited about this. Hannah likes being there and doesn't miss us and Sarah is in her life patterns and is doing fine as well. Just us, the adults, who need each other...:)
I need you - miss you and can't wait to see you.
Rest in God, my sweet Anne. You're in my constant thoughts and prayers.
Love,
K
I don't know any old working adults either! LOL! :) I do hope the case manager had encouraging words for you. Mama tears are the hardest...your heart overflows with love for Hannah and the deep desire to see her overcome. You want exactly what God has planned for her..all that looks "good" and "bad" from our human eyes this side of heaven, but it's hard not to desire that the plan involves the removal of this thorn if at all possible. I know the struggle well. Yet our Jesus sees the BIG picture and we trust in Him no matter the storm!
ReplyDeleteLove you girlies!
Counting down the days to see your smiling faces...